#i know i know like i need to think up more ice skating related things

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

We need to talk about this

because Yuuri's reaction here is a result of his anxiety disorder and his tendency to self-deprecation and having depressive thoughts. That he ends up here is being carefully foreshadowed throughout the series:

First, Viktor said a couple of things that made Yuuri believe that Viktor only wants to coach him until the GPF:

This

and this

is enough to convince and anxious person like Yuuri that Viktor has no intention to coach him beyond the GPF. Note that Viktor never explicitly states that he will coach Yuuri only for the first half of the season - it's the natural conclusion an anxious brain will draw. And that's neither Viktor's nor Yuuri's fault.

And then this, while Yuuri is within hearing distance:

I'm getting a queasy feeling in my stomach just from watching this scene because I relate to Yuuri so much. If I had eavesdropped on this interview, I would have freaked out internally. Like what does that even mean? Is he talking about his career or is this a carefully crafted answer to convince the press to leave him and Yuuri alone for the next couple of weeks? This secret is probably between Viktor and the YOI creators alone (I have theories, but I'm not going to discuss them here because this post is about Yuuri).

Second, although he becomes more confident throughout the show, the self-deprecating part of Yuuri has a low opinion about his own skating. From his perspective, his contribution to the sport seems less valuable than Viktor's, even when he starts to understand that he's far more than a dime-a-dozen skater. The realisation that he is as least as talented as Viktor, only drives home the moment he breaks Viktor's world record.

Because Yuuri has such a low opinion of himself, he doesn't understand how much Viktor enjoys watching him skate, which is another aspect factoring into his decision.

Third, Yuuri genuinely believes that Viktor wants to return to the ice and would rejoice when Yuuri retires. Having seen Viktor watch the other skaters at the GPF cements the decision he made at the Rostelecom Cup. The fact that basically everyone has told him throughout the last 11 episodes that he's keeping Viktor from skating gives more weight to the idea.

Yes, you got that right. Yuuri deided to retire, before he proposed to Viktor and before he bought two matching rings and put one of them on Viktor's finger. However, now Yuuri knows that Viktor would coach him for as long as Yuuri wants to keep skating, which forces him to release Viktor from his duties at the point he believes Viktor wanted to stop coaching him initially.

"Let's end this" is not about breaking up. Yuuri is releasing Viktor as his coach. He is sacrificing his career so that Viktor can keep pursuing his own career which Viktor once sacrificed for him.

Of course he's surprised that Viktor bursts out in tears.

Yuuri has the right to retire whenever he wants. He doesn't need to consult Viktor. If he thinks (for whichever stupid reason) it's time, he can make this decision on his own.

Is it selfish?

Lol no. Only Viktor thinks it is because he's conflating the coach and the partner and takes it personally. He's hurt and feels rejected because he doesn't understand that Yuuri did it for him and that causes a drama Yuuri was not prepared for.

Is it stupid?

Absolutely. But poor communication skills, Yuuri is too caught up in his mental issues to even think of having a discussion that would lead them to a solution with which both would be happy (both training in St. Petersburg *wink* *wink*). It's not malice, insensitivity, or shitty behaviour that drives Yuuri to this point. It's all about his mental issues. And love.

[writesleah]

christmas headcannons ౨ৎ m. riddle

౨ৎ mattheo riddle x reader

౨ৎ pure fluff

౨ৎ mentions of childhood neglect if you squint, nothing else just super adorable, fluffy mattheo

౨ৎ I ADORE THIS MAN these might just be projections of my feelings towards christmas but i swear he loves it too

this man adores christmas

he always denies it, but he always looks forward to it

every. single. year.

when you two are just starting to speak, he might mention how he enjoys the 25th, but nothing more than that

the second he gets comfortable with you, it’s non stop rambling

“two months until christmas”

“it’s almost december”

it would be annoying if you didn’t adore him so much

it’s not just christmas day, it’s the entire month of december, the entire season of winter

he’ll always be begging you to do some sort of christmassy activity with him, thinking you’ll say no because it’s stupid

he feels like it makes him seem childish, so you have to reassure him that you love his enthusiasm and adorable date ideas

from december 1st, the two of you will be ice skating on a lake, or drinking candy cane flavoured hot chocolate whilst watching the snow fall

every single day is a new opportunity to do something vaguely related to christmas or the winter months with him

if you ask him what he wants for christmas, he’d either give you the biggest list you’d ever heard, or he wouldn’t ask you for anything and just say he didn’t know what he wanted - one extreme to the other

i think his obsession comes from the constant craving of a good christmas during his childhood

i don’t think his parents would’ve been interested in christmas at all, so it left him always wishing he could enjoy it

when he found you, he realised that there are people who do actually care about his interests or his favourite time of year

he was utterly grateful for your understanding, even if it seems incredibly simple to you

the second you ask him if he wants to watch a movie with you, he decides it has to be a christmas movie

no matter what time of year it is, always a christmas movie

his favourite movie is the grinch, you watch it every year

he also likes the polar express, but just because he can laugh at the animation and tease you for not liking its uncanny valley effect

he can’t watch home alone, it’s just a little too relatable, considering his childhood, but he never admits to that, he always says he thinks it’s boring

he would stay at hogwarts over christmas as long as you stayed with him

staying at school meant that you could have the slytherin boy’s dormitory all to yourselves, without any of the boys he shared with blabbing on and ruining your peace

on christmas eve, he likes to get all cozy in bed with matching pyjamas and a mug of hot chocolate each

christmas morning is his absolute favourite

he goes above and beyond with your presents

you always feel like he shows you up, considering that he always tells you to either pick one thing from his extensive list, or not to get him anything at all, leaving you scrambling to figure out what he wants

he reassures you that he loves whatever you get him, and makes sure that you like your presents too

the entire morning, he’s rambling on about how excited he is for the food

he loves brussel sprouts, even though you can’t stand them

he hates pigs in blankets, thinks they’re the absolute scum of christmas dinner, much to your dismay since you love them so much

so when you have brussel sprouts on your plate and he has pigs in blankets, you’ll both give them to each other, so you have double the amount of the food you like

roast potatoes are common ground. you both like them

he’ll always pour the gravy for you if you want it, and he’ll always help you to fix your food onto a plate

he can’t ever stop helping you, even if he knows you don’t need it

when you finish eating, he immediately either wants to watch a movie or play some sort of game, depending on who else stayed at hogwarts

and yes, as much as he hates it, he will watch the eastenders christmas special with you

[biceratops7]

Victor nikiforov and empathy:

Following my fifth (?) rewatch I found yet another reason to be completely in love with Yuri on Ice, and that is Victor being a wonderfully accurate and non-demonized example of someone with low empathy. Seriously as someone who’s autistic and can’t relate to the influx of “actually we’re all super in tune to other’s feelings and have the MOST empathy!”, watch these scenes because this is what it’s like.

This line at first seems to be Yakov thinking that Victor is arrogant, but Yakov knows him extremely well. He knows that Victor has a hard time viscerally placing himself in another’s shoes, and that’s a major obstacle as a coach.

Victor has trouble understanding what to do in situations that are highly emotional for Yuuri. Instead of being able to directly consider things through Yuuri’s perspective, we see him rely pretty often on environment cues, behavioral cause and affect, or straightforward commands.

He gets his habit of scolding yuri after a routine from Yakov because that’s what he’s familiar with. It’s not something Yuuri responds to particularly well, but it’s only when Victor pays attention to how others react when Yuuri finishes skating that he changes tactic. Victor sees how the crowd is going wild at the (Japan nationals) and it’s only then it occurs to him that Yuuri’s confidence may be jeopardized if he chooses that moment to criticize his performance. This is something he likely would’ve realized much sooner if he could share Yuuri’s stress easier instead of merely observing that it’s happening.

Then later on in episode 7, we get to the scene that actually inspired this post.

At first Victor approached the situation almost like an experiment, trying out cause and effect to disastrous results. When you have a much lower threshold for being able to experience another’s feelings second hand, it’s difficult not to think of other’s negative emotions simply as problems that need to be solved. Problem: Yuuri won’t perform well because he’s too anxious, he will only be MORE upset if he loses, and Victor has already tried to reduce his anxiety to no avail. Idea for solution: raise the stakes and see if increased pressure can replace his nerves with resolve, causing a good performance. Afterward, Yuuri will be proud of himself and happy again. Execute plan, observe results, adjust accordingly. When comfort doesn’t come naturally, this tends to be kind of the default. From experience it comes from a genuine place of caring even when it backfires (and it actually doesn’t at times), basically trying to actually fix the thing upsetting your loved one instead of play acting feelings you don’t get.

… however Yuuri was COMPLETELY within his rights yelling at Victor because regardless of intent he picked the worst thing on planet earth to say in that exact moment. I mean I’ve had my fair share of “oh crap someone is upset and it’s my responsibility” fails but my fuck-

He’s shown to be pretty shit at comforting Yuri/ detached emotionally from the situation, but he is neither coldly unbothered nor strategically hiding it. It may appear callous to bluntly say “I don’t know how to help you” to a loved one who’s crying, but as someone who’s been there, that’s an insanely vulnerable thing to admit. “I don’t feel your pain, I don’t get it. But I love you, and just because I’m not feeling it myself doesn’t mean I don’t care that you’re hurting.”

When Yuri finally just straight up tells Victor what to do, he is relieved and simply does it. Things are different between them after this episode because Yuuri finds the power to communicate his needs clearly and effectively. Victor doesn’t speak “subtlety” well. Yakov and Yurio both speak their mind to him directly regardless of if it’s polite, Which is quite telling because they’re the two characters he has the longest history with. It shows us the kind of communication style Victor is accustomed to and needs to navigate interpersonal relationships.

I’m not making a statement that Victor is autistic or even disordered per say. I feel his unusual circumstances provide enough explanation, but I really do see that he consistently struggles with empathy in the same way I do. He’s probably the only character I’ve been able to see that aspect of myself in with scenes that aren’t played for jokes.

[luffyvace]

Katsuki Bakugo x Shoto twin reader

These are for my good friend irl :) ENJOY!!

btw this is written with fem! Reader in mind. Yes I will likely do a male reader version dw 💗 (i don’t think it’ll have shoto twin reader)

So bakugo in a relationship huh? Not the first thing I’d think he’s into but hey, it’s already happened now! 🤷‍♀️

About kats and todo’s beef tho….

at the beginning I mean

katsuki isn’t the type of person to lump people in with your siblings or wtv

buttttt if you and shoto are similar/have similar personalities or interests he might somewhat dislike you at first

if not he doesn’t mind

but it’d especially tick him off if you and todo gang up on him in fights/arguments

but again he decides his opinion of you based off what you show him him or how you present yourself

which is why he didn’t remember most people’s names at the beginning of the show

bc he didn’t have anything to remember them by-

he may come up to you on some sunny callin you icy hot 2.0 n stuff but if you assert your dominance and show him you deserve respect then he lets go of that quickly

not out of fear but because katsuki doesn’t really pick on the people he respects

best jeanist is a great example of what I mean!

if your relation to todo is really similar however

he might find you a bit more annoying at first

he just thinks of you as the off brand version of todoroki until you give him a reason to respect you 😗

Although if your talking more mature kats when it’s like s4 around then he’s more likely to view you as your own person first time around

he also doesn’t do any of that crap anymore and doesn’t mind that you and todo are twins

he used to always mutter ‘your wretched brother’ this and that

but he cut that out

i mean unless you nipped it in the bun back then 🤪

and to do that you likely have to humble him

So after that phase is over nicknames can range from a shorter version of your name to aliases he/people have given you

like how shoto’s quirk is hot/cold so he calls him icy hot

But whatever he comes up with for you isn’t said with a bad intent by him, of course

And w/ cooking you already know his is FIRE 🔥🔥💥💥

like it’s canon this man can cook like 💃💃🕺👯‍♀️👯‍♀️

(that’s you dancing bc his food’s so good)

GET YOU A MAN LIKE KATSUKI. GET YOU A MAN THAT CAN COOK. 💥💥💥

he be using all types of seasoning so you KNOW it ain’t dry

especially if your a spicy food lover

like I feel he genuinely doesn’t get people who doesn’t like spicy food

he may think your a bit of a wimp..🤓

If you inherited endeavor’s fire quirk he finds it useful that you can lite his barbecues or make fire for cooking in the woods for example

he still heated that explosions don’t work 🤦‍♀️

but ngl he’d rather you than shoto sooo..🤷‍♀️

For love languages his is quality time, acts of service and a bit of gift giving

with quality time he likes to ice skate with you since (if you inherited the ice quirk) you can withstand the cold

He’d try to impress you by saying he’s not that cold (even with a coat on) but he actually is

why would he admit that tho

he’s actually cold don’t torture him by staying longer than you need to

(or do I ain’t gonna judge 😂)

kats likes challenges because it makes him feel accomplished once he completed them

So he likes to do freezer challenges!!

(basically it’s this challenge where you go into a walk in freezer and see who can last the longest—don’t try this at home I’ve only seen this on YouTube and idk if that’s the actual name)

and of course your immune to the cold so it’s easy for you

so if he beats you it’ll make him feel proud

don’t think that just bc your his girlfriend he doesn’t compete with you

there’s no way he’s seeing an opportunity to become the number 1 hero and not taking it to let his girlfriend be happy

don’t blame him who would……

when you first get into your relationship things might be a little awkward and you may or may not be a little intimidated by him

which if you are he feels sorta bad and he doesn’t want you to be

he doesn’t want people he cares about to think he’s some monster

if you were just come class b rubbish what does he care what you think?

but your his girlfriend and probably his first of course he cares what you think of him!

you likely address this early because he doesn’t like the feeling it gives him

so no worries :)

if you were never intimidated by him tho

its probably just awkward silence..

even more so if you were as aloof as todo was back in the first season

or if your just a quiet/socially awkward person

kats isn’t awkward he just doesn’t really know what to say either..

deeper in relationship tho!!

things are a lot less tense and more casual

a thing you do a lot is kinda just be sprawled in bed together doing your own thing

not necessarily cuddling but your both just comfy

you guys have picked up on your couple routines and habits and what not

so things have definitely smoothed over

thankfully

with baths kats prefers not to take them together

like he just doesn’t see the point

and it’s prob quicker separately

yeah no he’s not doing it

if you’ve been together for years by now, however

he might let you wash his hair

only cuz he likes the way you scrub/scratch his scalp

its relaxing

he still doesn’t wanna do it all the time tho

You two def always work out together

so at least that

he always makes sure you pack everything before going to train/work out

he’s more meticulous than you know and it annoys him when one of you forget something

“it’s fine katsuki just leave it!”

”no I’ll just go run and get it it’s fine!”

you might as well wait bc he just has to have this one thing

idk why

you guys take a good amount of water breaks and such but you go really hard core while your at it

He’s probably either silent or a yelling motivator..no in between

Your friends lowkey ship you guys

and tease you

mina tries to get you to do pranks on katsuki

mostly bc she gets more backlash if she does it

LOL

like little stupid pranks like drawing on his face or acting like your cheating 😊

THATS NOT A LITTLE PRANK BUT SHE TRIES TO CONVINCE YOU ANYWAY-

“give in to peer pressure!” >:(

Dont katsuki will explode

LITTERALLY-

ok my bad but I just had to put at least one bad joke in there..

💥💥

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!

I had fun writing this and it didn’t take long at all :)

[nevernonline]

✧.* grow as we go; svt smau.

entry #09 seeing red.

synopsis: over the past ten years you’ve fallen in love many times. one day someone happens to stumble across your journal sitting out on your nightstand and started posting your entries online. after all of your secrets are leaked it’s clear things would ever be the same again.

𐦍 paring: svt members x afab! reader.

𐦍 feat: non-idol! svt, (g)-idle minnie&soyeon, oc’s

𐦍 genre/s: reader is super angsty low-key, fluffy, sexual themes.

𐦍 content: swearing, bullying, crazy ex’s, mentions of sexual relations, some drinking& mary jane 🍃

word count: 2.7k

masterlist ▸ 008 not the bath mat.  ▸ 010 coming soon

“You okay?”

Seokmin’s voice rang through y/n’s ears as she drove her car away from of Vernon’s white apartment building. 

“Yeah, I think so. I’m just nervous for some reason like I can’t put into words why, but my gut is telling me something is weird.” 

“Gut instincts are rarely ever wrong, but I’ll be by your side until you tell me you don’t need me to be. Okay?” 

Pulling up into the parking lot of the glass framed building just on the edge of the city overlooking the water, y/n felt her nervous sweating start to begin, almost begging for air conditioning to surround her like a chilled hug. 

“Want to hold my hand?” 

“Yes please, they’re clammy I’m sorry.” 

Gripping onto Vernon’s firm hand the three boys almost looking like her bodyguards bypassed the frenzy of people outside waiting to get their own peak at Minghaos installation themselves and walked through the door. 

The room was filled with small tables, made by hand as a final touch to Minghaos work, adorned with dainty black table clothes and bottles of champagne placed in ice buckets. 

The room was softly lit with yellow and white lighting making everyone have a glow that bounced off of them almost as if they weren’t real. 

“Would you guys like a drink? We have champagne and two signature cocktails, one is a gin based drink called ‘delicate’ and the other is a whiskey ginger based drink called ‘storm cloud.” 

The beautiful waitress signaled at y/n’s small group and pointed out the drinks on the table. 

“I think two storm clouds and one delicate one for sure. Y/n? What would you like?” 

You spun to look into Junhui’s big eyes, skating your head saying anything is alright with you so he made the conclusion to just order you the same as Seokmin to be safe. 

“Thank you.” 

Y/N placed a tip in the small bartenders jar and bid her a smile knowing she’ll be back for more later in the night 

“Should we look around now and try to find Minghao? Or wait a bit?” 

“Seok lets just wait here, it doesn’t seem like anyone is looking around yet, I'm trying to spy for Minnie and Mingyu.” 

“And Mimi.” 

“Yeah. Her too.” 

“Guys, Vernon and I are going to go find Vernon’s friend Seungkwan. We'll be back in a second.” 

“No problem.” 

Y/n and Seokmin waved the cute couple off into the crowd. 

“So y/n.” 

“Seoky.” 

“How are we feeling now? What was going on in the car?” 

“I don’t know. I told you I’m alright.” 

“Yeah but you don’t have to lie to me about that.”

“I promise you I would never lie to you, we basically took an unintentional blood oath as kids it stays” 

“Okay. I love you, you know that right? But I rarely see you nervous like this so I can’t help but feel concerned.”

“Shut up. Yes I do and I love you too. I promise im alright.”

Averting her gaze back to the front door she watched as Minnie and Mingyu walked hand and hand, strutting past a very devious looking Mimi standing to the right, chit chatting with someone who was unrecognizable to y/n. 

“They look good together.” 

“Yeah, they do.” 

“Do you think this fake dating is going to lead to them.. you know.” 

“Well. If I can be honest with you y/n which I'm sure I can, I think it already has.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Are you alright with that?” 

“I am actually. Any other time it would’ve killed me I think, but now.. I don’t know? I’m content. They make sense.” 

“You shine too bright to have someone who shades you.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“I don’t know actually, I think im drunk already.” 

Y/n placed a small kiss on Seokmin’s temple laughing at his flushed cheeks before a familiar yet irritating voice cut through their ears. 

“Y/n, Seokmin. Hi! You both look absolutely gorgeous. Mind if I sit?” 

“Hi, Mimi. Sure.” 

“How are you guys? This is so beautiful and we haven’t even seen his art yet, how crazy. He’s so talented.” 

“Yeah it’s nice. You look great, I love your bag.” 

“Thank you. You look nice. I see you didn’t go with the outfit you picked out the other day.” 

“Hao told us to come in black so it just didn’t feel right.”

“Mimi, can I ask you how you know Minghao again?” 

“Oh wow, well it’s a long story. We met a few years ago, I haven’t seen him in a while actually.” 

“Ah, I see. Did you go to school together or?” 

“Wow Seokmin, someone’s nosey.” 

“Oh, sorry no, not nosy just curious is all. I didn’t know you knew him.” 

“It’s okay. Our parents actually work together.” 

“Nice.” 

“Do you know if he arrived yet? I’m sure he’d love to see you in this gorgeous outfit. Leaving everything to the imagination, he likes conservative girls.” 

“No we haven’t seen him, we're just waiting for Junhui actually.” 

“Aw, cutie. His boyfriend seems so nice, I stalked them online today. Dumb and dumber vibes, you know? I’m more curious though did you see Minnie and Mingyu? How trashy getting with your friends hook up? Maybe she truly has it out for you. You’re too pretty to never be the one to end up with the guy. But actually you should just date Seokmin, everyone knows how much you guys love each other, it could work out well.”

“Oh I-

“Well, I have to get going and find my way to the girls room. I’ll see you later. Toodles.” 

“Toodles” 

Seokmin’s voice gained a depth that you haven't heard since someone pushed him in the fountain at your high school during senior prank week. 

“What the fuck was that?” 

“Fucking weird is what that was.” 

Seokmin’s tone turned quickly into a quiet mocking of Mimi’s.

“Dumb and Dumber vibes.”

The two of them laughed as they shrugged off the interesting encounter with a former foe.

A bartender came over to the pair and handed them both a flute of champagne, as the rest of the patrons erupted into a roar when Minghao made his way into the building, Wonwoo walking beside him, smiling at his friend who was receiving praise from his acquaintances, hugging and high fiving him for his success, some chanting for him to make a speech.

Minghao walked straight past Mimi who was stealthily placed behind a tall gentleman the star of the night was not paying any attention to her whatsoever, almost like she was invisible. He strode over to the small table where y/n and Seokmin were awkwardly standing clutching the glass flutes, wrapping his arms around the both of them at the same time. 

“You guys look.. amazing, thank you for coming.” 

Minghao took a deep breath and looked up and down at the girl he had his arm around. 

“Seriously. Thank you.” 

“Our pleasure.” 

“I’ll be back after I say some thank yous, maybe we can all walk through together okay?” 

“Cool.” 

The intimate crowd surrounded Minghao and Wonwoo handed him the matching glass of sparkling wine and he held it up as a small cheers. 

Y/n peaked through the crowd and spotted Minnie and Mingyu to her right, still looking as loving as ever, Vernon and Jun to her left with an unrecognizable boy, who threw a small wave in her direction that she could only pass off as Seungkwan the only one she couldn’t place was Mimi.

“Hey guys. I just wanted to say thank you for coming tonight to the opening of my show. It’s been about a two year process to finally get through to this night. Many of you have been around much longer than that, so thank you for supporting me even when I was up late at night calling you upset about how it wasn’t going to work out. Vernon, Wonwoo, Seungkwan, and Mingyu, you guys truly were the only reason I didn’t jump ship many times from achieving this goal. It’s nice to see old faces like yours mixed into a group of new friends. So thank you, everyone, really. We’re going to take a peek through the gallery now, feel free to bring your drinks and grab some more along the way. And yeah, just enjoy yourselves. Thank you.” 

The clapping dwindled down as the group followed Minghao through the journey he went through over the past two years starting from just a week ago up until the beginning. 

Y/N stopped Seokmin to look at a very small white canvas decorated with various pastel water color paints mixed with an oil that looked almost the color of fresh blood. 

“Do you know when I did that?” 

“This?” 

Minghaos voice spoke up behind them quietly, not wanting the room to echo as the group was admiring the work during their part one journey. Seokmin smiled down at his female friend and decided to take the opportunity to wander off on his own like any good wingman would do. 

“Yeah.” 

“Uh, no. Is this a trick question?” 

“No it’s not, but it was that night I found you on your floor, looking at those pictures of you and your friends.” 

“I- You got inspired by that? How?” 

“Not sure I have time to explain it right now, but look at the title.” 

‘About you’ was written on the plaque to the right side of the artwork. 

“Wow. Thank you.” 

“No thank you, I couldn’t have finished any of this without you actually.” 

The art curator swooped Minghao away from your side moving the group into the second room, where the energy was colder, the lighting was turned down slightly, causing the fading colors the feel cold and dark and full of sadness especially coming from the front of the house that was bright and full of life. 

y/n was on her own now, sitting near the back of the group losing her sight of all her comfort blankets that were her friends. 

She spotted the red lip of Mimi directly across the room, also slipping to the back, trying to blend into the crowd as she looked around. 

After spending a good ten minutes looking around the group was led through a vinyl curtain into a room full of dark red lights, the canvases on the wall now sunk to the floor of the room and scattered themselves alongside ripped and tattered papers on the concrete floors.

Something in y/n’s stomach had told her she should leave now, the growing anxiety of the light and coldness of the room, with near to no talking as the faint look of paint splatter sunk into her eyes on the walls almost like old blood. 

She tried to turn around and make her exit through the same vinyl door when a hand came up to her wrist. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“Oh, Mimi hi, shit you scared me. I actually don’t feel well. I was going to dip out for a second.” 

“Aw, come on y/n you can’t leave Minghao now. Not before the big finale.” 

“Right..” 

“Be right back, I’ll find Seokmin for you.” 

“Thank you.” 

All of the sudden as Mimi walked away a projector screen hit the wall, various old videos shot on a cam recorder. 

Y/n had recognized the faint pink colored walls, her own childhood room.

“Let’s go fucking crazy.”

The words came from lips that were set behind the camera only y/n knowing it was the sound of Mimi’s voice as she was being filmed sitting on the bed of her old room, a bottle of cheap vodka in her hands. 

“Okay, y/n I want you to see how pretty you are. We can send this to Joshua as a birthday gift. Should I turn the lights off more?” 

She watched herself as she nodded awkwardly giggling on top of the zebra sheets, her hands pushing the red bottle of liquor to her lips, dribbling the liquid down her chin, the sight of tears welling up in her round eyes.

“Y/nnie don’t be sad, nobody will ever find out we accidentally hurt anyone, okay? My dad said she’ll be okay, just a broken leg. Just let loose.” 

The lights flickered off the screen straight into her soul pushing down the memories of Mimi stealing her dads car while intoxicated to go and buy more alcohol before this very moment played out. 

Suddenly she saw red. All of this had been a set up to embarrass her. Another nail in her coffin. 

Her eyes filled with tears as she watched Mimi turn the people in the room to sit and stare at her face.  Watching the scene play on as Mimi told a very naive twenty year old girl to strip herself of her own clothes to impress the boy she liked and forget about the worst day of her life. 

The people in the room sized her up and down, some turning back to the screen, others reading a small handout that was stuffed into a map of the museum while giggling at the journal entries she wrote about her once crush and the man she had fallen for now before she even made the connection of who he was to her all of those years ago.

Y/n’s legs felt like jello, yet something in her built up the strength to bolt through the vinyl curtain, her heels echoing through the white walls like bullets hitting a glass window. 

She heard a voice cutting through the sound of her heels behind her calling out, but she decided she couldn’t stop to turn around and face anyone. It was a secret that couldn’t be shared, something that Mimi used as a final dagger to cut everyone out of her life the same way she cut the girl out of her own. 

As she reached the fresh air of the front doors, the same cute bartender was sitting out on the curb smoking a cigarette looking concerned for y/n’s well being. 

“Are you alright?” 

“No.” 

“Want a cigarette?” 

“A ride maybe? If it’s not too much to ask. I dropped my phone somewhere, I have cash I can pay you. I just need to get out of here now.” 

“I don’t need your money, it’s okay. Let me help you get a cab okay?” 

“Thank you, really. What’s your name?” 

“Rena. Yours?” 

“Y/n” 

Rena walked quickly with y/n to the outside cab pickup on the corner of the art museum, quickly hailing you a cab and shutting you tightly inside, leaving you with the last four cigarettes stuffed inside her metal case. As you drove off with a wink from her, meaning she had a feeling she’d see you again. 

“55 Miles Avenue, please” 

The driver sped through the night lights avoiding cars like it was a game. Pulling up outside the familiar front of Joshua’s building. 

Basically throwing money at him and whispering a quick thank you, y/n ran her way up to his elevator, finally reaching his floor, and knocking heavily on the door. 

In the few seconds he took to come unlock his apartment to her, she realized how desperate and deschevled she must look. 

“Y/n? It’s still early, are you okay?” 

“No.” 

“Come in, come in.” 

Her tears suddenly grew stronger, sinking down to his wooden floor, feeling his hands grab her shoulders and sink down with her. 

“What happened?” 

Words couldn’t form in her mouth correctly, she managed to spill a couple of sentences that made a way to fill him in. 

“Fuck. Y/n come on, let’s get you a shower and some fresh clothes.” 

Joshua’s arms picked the girl off the floor and led her into his black marble bathroom, which suddenly felt like an oasis to her. 

The water ran hot, scorching her body of the sins and embarrassment she had just gone through, spending more time scrubbing away at her skin and hair, feeling like it would help if she rubbed her skin nearly raw. 

Stepping out of the shower she grabbed the gray hoodie and soft sweatpants Joshua had laid out for her, taking her time to step into her clothes and walk out into her reality. 

“I ordered you some food. Come on.” 

As she finished eating in her daze, the boy to her left carefully rolled the thin paper over the green flower and lit the end, handing her a relief from her stress. 

“Thank you.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“Not right now.” 

“Okay. But im sorry I made you befriend her again, I should’ve known better y/n. I really thought she had changed.”

“Stop. Please, I really don’t want to talk about her right now.”

“Okay, just one last thing. Why do you think she did it?”

“I honestly have no idea.”

“But do you think Minghao had something to do with it I mean she basically ruined his whole night just for her own revenge. Seems weird that he-“

“Josh.”

“Okay. okay.”

Joshua and y/n sat in the haze of their shared joint, not talking until she finally had enough of a high to fall asleep next to him on the couch and chose to deal with her problems the next day. 

bonus:

note/s: part one of y/n’s wild ride fr. i feel like yall all know we can trust seok/bernon/wonu/junhui for sure 😌✊🏻 but for everyone else the jury (me) is still out lmao. IK MY ASS USED THE WRONG YOUR ok thank u lets just chalk it up to seokmin being drunk and silly lmao <3 i kept telling myself this is too rushed but i also didn’t want to overwhelm and put more of the drama here so lol. def prob typos etc etc bc i was editing at night which i def shouldn’t do anymore lmao. ok ttyl ily.

tag list:  @sun-daddy-yoriichi,@hipsdofangirl@kissesfrmwonwoo, @minhui896, @wonwooz1, porridgesblog,,  jasssy051, @soonyoungblr, @saucegirlreads, @musingsofananxiouspotato, @young-adult-summer, @punkhazardlaw, @bibs-world@the-swageyama-tobiyolo@wonuulvr@woozixo @k-drama-adict

[thejakeslayla]

╰▸ ❝ melting ice ❞ 002 ⎯⎯ salchow ,, a park sunghoon written series

synopsis; you put your everything into ice skating; blood, sweat and tears. unexpectedly you're being partnered with someone you despite, your number one rival - park sunghoon. together, you must overcome your grudges, navigate your differences and find a way to convey emotion on the ice. as you face this challenge, you discover hidden depths of him, leading you to question if there's more to your connection with sunghoon than just hatred and whether you can make this unlikely partnership work, potentially reshaping your career and the dynamics between them. little do you know that sunghoon never hated you.

warnings: reader gets injured, arguments, profanity

Days turned into weeks, and you and Sunghoon found yourselves locked in a relentless cycle of practice. Daily sessions became a routine, yet the tension between you and Sunghoon only seemed to intensify. You both worked diligently on perfecting the throw triple loop, with the coach drilling you on every detail. It was an intricate move that demanded trust and synchronization. At first, the attempts were awkward and full of stumbles and falls, but with time, your coordination improved. It wasn't the most harmonious partnership, but you were making progress.

Despite your initial concerns, Sunghoon turned out to be a dedicated partner, putting in as much effort as you did. His resolved determination surprised you. As much as you disliked him, his precision and your grace created a unique blend and even if you wouldn’t like to think of him like that, each time you just found yourself pretty amused.

One chilly evening, you found yourselves alone at the rink, the bright arena lights casting an eerie glow on the ice. Sunghoon's mom had left for a work-related trip, and your mom had a prior commitment. It was just the two of you and the echoes of your blades cutting through the ice.

Sunghoon stopped, panting heavily. You noticed the sweat glistening on his brow, the strands of hair clinging to his forehead. You already tried multiple times to synchronise your step sequence, but each time one of you messed up.

He met your gaze, and for the first time in weeks, you didn't see hostility in his eyes. Instead, you saw determination and, perhaps, a hint of vulnerability. "Y/n," he said, his voice softer than you'd ever heard it, "I know we don't get along, but we have to make this work. Our future depends on it."

You stopped in your tracks, the ice beneath your skates glistening with a thin layer of frost. His words hung in the air, and for a moment, you considered his words. But then, you shook your head, a hint of disagreement in your eyes. "I appreciate your concern, Sunghoon, but I've made it this far on my own. I don't need you to determine my future."

Sunghoon's expression shifted, a mix of frustration and determination. "This isn't just about you, Y/n. Stop being so fucking selfish. We have a real chance to get into olympics, if we can put our differences aside."

You were filled with anger. "Put our differences aside? You've got to be fucking kidding me, Park. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to even stand here next to you, let alone skate with you? I didn't ask for you to be my partner, and I’m fucking sure that I didn't ask for your pep talk. I've been working my entire life to get to this point, and I don't need you telling me what's at risk."

Sunghoon's voice suddenly rose, matching your frustration. "This isn't about forgetting, Y/n. It's about acknowledging that we're both skilled athletes, and if we channel that rivalry into our performance, we could be unstoppable."

Your jaw tightened. "Unstoppable? The only thing that's unstoppable is your ego."

With that biting remark, Sunghoon's anger peaked, and he abruptly turned away, storming off the rink. You were left seething, your own fury burning as hot as his.

After leaving the rink in a huff, Sunghoon couldn't shake off the frustration that had been building within him. He wandered aimlessly through the corridors of the training center, his mind filled with a whirlwind of emotions.

In the beginning, Sunghoon had viewed this partnership with you as an opportunity he couldn't pass up, but the reality of working with you had been far more challenging than he had ever imagined. The clash of your personalities and the weight of the long-standing (or should he say one-sided?) rivalry had tested his patience more than anything else in his skating career.

However, there was another layer to Sunghoon's frustration, one that he was unwilling to confront even in the depths of his own thoughts. He had watched you from afar for years, not only as a "rival" but as someone he greatly admired. Your grace on the ice, your dedication, and your unwavering commitment to the sport had drawn him in.

There had been moments when he had secretly hoped for the chance to work with you, to get to know you on a different level, and to prove himself not just as a “self-centred and cold as ice you skate on” athlete but as a partner. And now, with this unexpected opportunity, his longing to work with you had intertwined with the harsh reality of their situation.

As he approached the vending machines, he couldn't help but replay their argument in his mind. His frustration stemmed not only from the difficulties of the partnership but from the fear that he might lose this chance to get closer to someone he had admired for so long.

As Sunghoon retreated to cool off, you were on the rink, trying to focus on your skating, but the heated argument still echoed in your mind. Your determination got the best of you, and in a fit of frustration, you decided to attempt a triple axel – a move you hadn't mastered yet.

You executed the jump, the world spinning around you, but the landing was far from graceful. You hit the ice while still rotating, causing a harsh impact. Pain shot through your hip and ankle. You bit your lip, fighting back tears, but it was impossible to ignore the throbbing in your ankle.

Your heart pounded with pain and frustration, but you tried to push through it, determined not to give Sunghoon the satisfaction of seeing you vulnerable, as he might come back any second now. Gritting your teeth, you tried to stand, but the pain in your ankle was too much to bear.

And as if universe deeply hated you, he appeared.

Sunghoon entered the rink, the tension still hanging in the air. He immediately noticed that something was wrong, as you struggled to stand and make your way off the ice. He hurried over, concern replacing his anger, as he realized the seriousness of the situation.

"Y/n, are you okay?" Sunghoon asked, his voice echoing, genuine worry on his face.

You clenched your jaw, suppressing the pain in your ankle, and quickly replied, "I'm fine. I've had worse falls."

But Sunghoon wouldn't let it go. "Y/n, you don't look fine. Let me help you."

You hesitated, torn between the embarrassment of showing your vulnerability to your rival and the throbbing pain in your ankle. Sunghoon insisted, reaching out to support you, but you resisted. "I said I'm okay. I don't need your help."

Minute or two passed and Sunghoon had enough of your bullshit, he grabbed your wrist and wrapped your arm around his shoulders. You finally gave up, leaning on him as he helped you get off the ice.

Once you were seated on the bench, Sunghoon remained frozen, his concern barely concealed. When he helped you take off your skates, tears welled up in your eyes, escaping despite your best efforts to hold them back. Your pride was wounded, you embarrassed yourself in front of someone you hated the most, nothing went the way you wanted. And you just wanted to prove him wrong.

A minute of heavy silence stretched on, each second feeling like an eternity. Sunghoon's struggle to hide his worry was evident in his furrowed brow and his fidgety fingers. He was torn between wanting to help and not wanting to overstep the boundaries of your rivalry, or should he say your hatred towards him? His eyes darted between your teary gaze and your leg.

Finally, he couldn't contain the storm of emotions within him any longer, and his voice broke the heavy silence. "Should I call the coach?"

Your head moved slowly from side to side as you shook it, indicating your refusal. "No, Sunghoon. It will just worry him, and we won't be able to practice. I can't afford to miss practice right now."

Sunghoon was taken aback by your response. He knew the importance of practice, but the consequences of ignoring your injury weighed heavily on his mind. The argumentative tension that had simmered earlier now resurfaced, and the two of you found yourselves locked in a silent battle of wills.

The sudden change in his voice surprised you. His voice was firm and commanding as he responded, "Y/n, your health is more important than practice. You can't keep skating on a sprained ankle. Even though you don’t want to, we have to work together; we need to make the right decision here."

You were caught in a whirlwind of emotions, torn between your pride, the importance of practice, and the undeniable logic in Sunghoon's words. God, how much you hated him. It wasn’t even about the rivalry anymore, you just hated the fact that he’s right. The silence stretched on, and it seemed like a decision was hanging in the balance.

Finally, Sunghoon, directed by a small crush on you, broke the silence once more. His voice was softer, almost pleading, as he said, "Y/n, please. Let me help you. I promise it won't change anything between us, but it's the right thing to do."

Your gaze returned to him, as he continued to speak. “Y/n, what if…” His voice trembled slightly, clearly showing you signs of hesitation. “I take you to my home instead?"

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© 2023 — all rights reserved to user thejakeslayla, please do not steal, plagiarise or translate any of my work ! taglist: open

[rikeijo]

My friend doesn't think Yuri and Victor is in love romantically and it's more of adrenaline/trust is what's fueling their actions including some of the clickbait stuff since there isn’t anything official. I can understand where she’s coming from since I don’t usually like shipping unless it’s cannon but Yuri On Ice is a special case. Is there any comment from the creators about this? I saw say the creator confirmed they’re soulmates in an english blog but there was no source so I wasn’t sure if it’s legit

Hi! Thank you for the ask!💜

I also can't say I don't understand where your Friend is coming from.

Unfortunately, there was never any concrete confirmation that the relationship between Y&V needs to be seen as romantic. The official statement has always been that everything is open to personal interpretation of each fan.

The soulmates comments are from here and here.

Otsuka Manabu was pretty close to confirming Y&V during a con, but I have never heard/seen a transcription of his statement in Jp - it seems, however, that he indeed confirmed that Sayo wanted to portray 'romantic love'.

Adding my personal opinion - for me, the biggest 'proof' is that Yamada Reiji, Sayo's personal friends, talks openly about their relationship as gay. In Jp, it is still a taboo to some degree, and certainly was 10 years ago, to suggest that somebody may be gay - like there is zero openly gay Jp figure skaters, but there are countless discussions about ホモ疑惑, 'suspicion that somebody may be gay/the f word' (probably people, who are into Jp fs, know who has the longest history of being discussed in this way), but the word 'giwaku' is also used for eg. when somebody is suspected of doing something bad/illegal etc. That these discussions aren't 'neutral' is pretty clear. Because of the general taboo/negative stereotypes&connotations, imo, if Sayo wasn't content with Y&V relationship being seen that way, imo, her friend would surely respect that and wouldn't talk about it so openly and consistently - but 2016-2019, he always talked about YoI as a gay romance (and yeah, you can find negative comments from YoI fans under his videos bashing him for that). Fun fact is that he also admitted that Sayo used one of his works as inspiration for YoI, a manga titled... 'Agapes' 😆. The plot is about a gay guy in love with a straight guy. It's not my interpretation, but on Jp side, one interpretation of YoI's story that you can come across reading metas, is that it is indeed a story about a gay guy (Victor) in love with a straight guy (Yuuri), who really just looks up to him as his hero=the champion figure skater, and doesn't see him as romantic interest; that's why figure skating is always the bridge between them etc. In 'Agapes' the bridge is also a sport, to make things even more interesting - baseball.

On the other hand, it's also true that there was a lot of accusation of queerbaiting on both sides of the fandom - especially, after some of Mitsurou's statements. Here, imo, it seems the Eng fandom simply filtered out her less nice comments over time, to protect YoI's reputation of not being just another queerbait sports anime. (I don't think that it is anyway, but I also don't think it's as simple as 'Y&V are engaged and if we ever see a continuation they will get married'. It seems that this is what a lot of people in the Eng fandom want to believe.)

There is the rings-related stuff, about how engagement rings are not for engagement (but it's in the name...? yk, engagement? like people get engaged to be married?), but there is much more out there - listening to her mental gymnastics, I personally could summarize it as 'I wanted to portray 'deep emotions™' the way I wanted to, and yeah, people may misunderstand that, but that is their problem and I don't care, I'm not afraid of being misunderstood'. A lot of more progressive fans and YoI-antis alike were ridiculing these gymnastics in combination with eg. the 'exchanging of rings in front of the church' scene, as 'if you want to fujo-pander then pander, if you want to make them gay then make them gay, if you don't have the courage to do either, then just stop, bc that's pathetic' - in this context, it seemed she tried pretty hard to make people 'misunderstand' the relationship, including all those romantic/some people say 'pandering' scenes in the show, but then, when asked, it was always 'no, it's not like that, you see, people who work together...', but people are not idiots, so they were calling her out for that, simply speaking.

I was ranting a few times in the past why, imo, she decided to take this stance.

[puckpocketed]

Autumn Hockey Diaries - Defencemen, Hockey Blinders, and the Hand of the Narrative: Brock Faber In 2 Minutes and 9 Seconds

[Foreword: This essay is not what I thought it would be. It's probably not what you think it will be either. I've cut down a lot of the content because it was approaching thesis length, and I've got a lot of uni-related writing to get through. Appendices of cut content and extra reading will be published some time down the road. Look for #puckmortems.]

Brock Faber is not on the agenda. Brock Faber is a gliding figure in the middle of my screen, on occasion. More often, he is a hunched over body on the blue line, or he’s directing traffic behind the net, or he’s a blurry smear of green-red-white on the outer edges of where the play is happening. Nonetheless, it's like he’s never off the ice. “how do i even begin to write about a rookie” I say into the void in a despondent blog post, not long after I reluctantly accept that the itch won’t leave until I do. This is deeply inconvenient. I’m already in the middle of researching for another piece, halfway through an ice hockey book which I picked up in an attempt to familiarise myself with forward cycling and forechecking systems. Ironically, I have the Flyers vs Wild game up to watch an entirely different 21-year-old defenceman. My eyes snag on Faber anyway. 

Let’s rewind a bit.

HOW DID I GET HERE?

Those following along already know this, but I’ve been meaning to write about the Anaheim Ducks. They caught my eye in December 2023, not long after I plunged heart-first into hockey — and then, of course, the Drysdale-Gauthier trade happened in January, and the idle research project I had going on kicked into high gear. I began to dig and dig and found narrative after narrative, and as I tried to sift through sensationalised click-farming and journalism, I felt the other narrative, capital ‘n’ Narrative, begin to close in. I was out of my depth; the rebuild was an abyss, Drysdale was inextricably linked to the media’s whipping boy, Trevor Zegras, and I was a little too fond of the Ducks to be any more lax with my research.

I wanted terribly to have clips and analysis on hand, real proof to throw in peoples’ faces when they made assumptions. There was too much to say, and too much tape to watch, and far too many books I needed to read in order to have the correct language and technical knowledge to do that kind of piece justice. I resigned myself to becoming one of those guys drawing over gameplay with a virtual marker one day. Afterwards, I picked up Take Your Eye Off the Puck: How to Watch Hockey by Knowing Where to Look by Greg Wyshynski. Unsolicited review: it’s got relevant information but all of that is sandwiched between unfunny Xennial sarcasm and Harry Potter references that are transparently desperate attempts at being accessible/relatable/fun — save your money unless you can hold your nose about all of the above. The man himself is possibly the worst thing you can be as a human being: annoying on Twitter. Any quoting from his book that I do is purely because, on occasion, he has anecdotes to share that can’t be found elsewhere.

So there I am, days out from the fallout of January 8th and rewatching Drysdale's first match.

WHO IS NUMBER 7? THE CALDER RACE, AND HOCKEY BLINDERS

But Brock Faber, number 7 a beacon on his back, surefooted and scanning the ice like a centre, is always just there. He’s skating every other shift, he’s on the penalty kill, or controlling the gap on a Flyer forward, he’s somehow also anchoring the power play — and really who is this guy? His name sounds familiar. The usual skim of articles turns up hype and speculation, opinion pieces written after Connor Bedard was confirmed to be out for 6 weeks with a broken jaw. They float Faber as a possible Calder contender, should Bedard somehow fail to catch up after his recovery.

And that’s where I’ve heard Faber’s name. He’s part of the class of poor bastards who have to share their debut season with Bedard, the fourth-coming of Gretzky — similar to Bedard’s draft year, yet infinitely worse because it’s the goddamn NHL and being in a different draft class doesn’t do you any good if you’ve got to share actual ice with him. All are afterthoughts, are footnotes in Bedard’s wake. When you speak of the rookies of the 2023-24 season the spectre of the Next Next Next One looms, and you can’t help but let slip the pity you nurse for those who would be the sweethearts of national media coverage, the new wave, if not for that monstrous boy and his, at the time, 33 points in 39 games.

There’s a border here. I step around it tenderly — helped along by a heavy dose of cognitive dissonance — when watching ice hockey, it isn’t to be crossed. I call them my ‘ice hockey horse blinders’, hockey blinders for short. They’re required safety equipment at this point, mandatory so that my sanity stays intact against everything ice hockey can be (aside from the best sport in the world): the retributive justice, the implications behind calling a player ‘soft’ for daring to protect themselves in a scrum; the insular masculist locker room culture which, in the end, is built upon rituals and language that degrades women and positions queerness as lesser-than.

One must also avoid thinking too hard about the way players are bandied about and dealt with like livestock, the way that they’re workers who sell their labour, too, and how they only really get to self-advocate when the collective bargaining agreement rolls around; how even then they’re hampered by all these unspoken traditions, arbitrary codes. Breathe and forget for a moment, for at least sixty glorious minutes of skating and violence, that for any athlete — for any prodigy — to exist and thrive, a child’s life was appropriated, taken in hand and moulded to fit a pipeline of production, because sports is a business the exact same way music and movies are.

The more I learn about Brock Faber, the harder it is to keep the hockey blinders from slipping off.

 “Brock Faber shouldn’t be possible,” is what people write about him in one form or another. They marvel at his strength, his size, his resilience; release article after article about how another rookie d-man would likely buckle under the weight of the work, how none of this was ever expected from someone so young and untested. Yet, the longer I sit with it the more unsettled I am. I watch his time on ice tick up and up with each game, hear on broadcast and read online that he’s on track to break the record for rookie average TOI. As of writing, he’s got 430 minutes on his next teammate for total time on ice. The only players on the Wild ahead of him are their goalies. The longer I put off finishing this essay (months now, from the time I first committed words to document) the wider this gap will grow. They say no one ever expected this from him, but an insidious thought creeps in: hasn’t the Narrative demanded this all along?

TIME, HAUNTING, AND MINNESOTA

Turns out I wasn’t wrong about Faber’s presence on the ice. The Wild have him skating minutes that usually go to veterans. He skates for 28:49 in the Philly match. Between the 10th of December and the 6th of January, Faber played 13 games. In 10 of them, he spent over 24 minutes skating. In half of those games, he logged over 30 minutes of ice time.

(NHL.com, highlights mine)

These are playoffs numbers, and they don’t just call it “playoffs hockey” because of the physicality. Exhaustion and injury go hand in hand, and playoffs hockey claims it’s tributes every year — rarely is it that this pace is sustainable, evidenced by how no teams make it through playoffs completely healthy. Top d-men are capable of it, yes, but it’s best avoided. When it happens, it’s an aberration. Poor management of ice time can result in sloppy play due to exhaustion. For the player who is exhausted, who fears exhaustion at critical junctures, they may choose to limit themselves, to compromise on plays to preserve their energy. More salient: every surplus minute extends the timeframe for possible injury, and every additional responsibility piled on top of that opens the door to potential burnout. So why do that to a rookie? What would compel any coach to do this, considering the risks?

Is Faber that good?

The question warrants another step backwards. Trouble is, this is where the tape begins to skip, a reverb-stutter-reverse that’s impossible to ignore. How far back to go? Does it start with the injuries that gutted the Wild’s d-core, shifting Faber into the limelight for sheer lack of options? Maybe further? Maybe it began in the mere hours between when Faber lost a devastating final match with his college team and signing with the Wild to play his very first NHL games — the third of which was the fucking Stanley Cup playoffs. 

Or perhaps it kicked off with the Wild buying out the Parise and Suter contracts in an effort to purge the team’s culture and start afresh? This was Wild management signalling that they’d take the salary cap penalty for now, but they were banking on a significant cap rise in the coming years. The subsequent “devastation” when Gary Bettman announced that the salary cap would only be going up by 1 million the following season — guaranteeing the Wild’s next few years would be lean ones — is what led to Faber being traded from the LA Kings for the Wild’s Kevin Fiala, after all.

But maybe linearity isn’t the play. The Narrative cannot be temporally bound, so why should this essay? The weft and warp of the Narrative sprawls out in four dimensions: the present weaves itself into the past; futures that never were dig their way down into the seams of time to rip into the present; and history is a concertina of repetitions and echoes, the same threads again and again.

Time and history are a deep well, I hover and put my ear to the dark, and Minnesota is the sound that echoes down. Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota.

Minnesota, the State of Hockey — and Brock Faber is a Minnesota boy. The Gophers, his college team, are a Minnesota team. He grows up going to Minnesota Wild games. And, because no kid gets to play for the team they grew up watching, he gets drafted 45th overall by the LA Kings. That’s the business; when you play hockey you are at the mercy of the draft lottery and the end-of-season standings. 

(@ mnwild via Twitter/X)

Only, this is the Narrative we’re talking about. The moment someone says ‘unlikely’ or ‘never’, it emerges and reasserts itself: sometimes things can be right out of a movie script. In Faber’s case, a dream. He talks openly about just how happy and grateful he is to be there. A real hometown hero — the title conferred upon him by media and fans and the ever-present Narrative. Faber doesn’t get to escape it just because the chances are slim, just because all the other Minnesota boys were scattered at the draft.

The Minnesota Wild as a franchise is held within its grip, too.

What do you call a Cup drought when it’s never rained in the first place? Meet the Wild, a middling American expansion team that’s not quite young enough to excuse their limping performance anymore, not quite old enough to have a sterling legacy to fall back upon. “Advancement seems there for the taking. It’s the least they could do after teasing this forsaken market April after unfulfilling April,” writes Brian Murphy; an embittered rally against the Wild’s historic floundering, even as he gushes about Faber’s first few games. Playoffs made in 13 out of 23 seasons aren't awful odds…until you read a little further to find out they’ve never come within sniffing distance of the finals. They are, it seems, perpetually on the cusp of — something. I couldn’t tell you what. Destruction? Greatness? Glory, even?

(via sergeifyodorov)

Just over 5 years ago, the front office asked for continued support in an open letter to fans. There would be a little patience required, but not too much — not when glory was just around the corner. The letter does not mention the vortex of rumours surrounding the locker room, the two veteran contracts they had to excise. They wouldn’t be rebuilding, of course, no need to panic and no need for a teardown — they had the pieces in line and were ready for a real effort, a deep run at the playoffs and a Cup, and “nothing less.”

Funny, a little over 5 years before that there was yet another letter asking for yet another small stretch of patience, right after acquiring two very familiar contracts. Parise and Suter, for those unaware, were brought in as two experienced players who would push the Wild over the line from “perennial playoff team” to Cup winners. Big name free agents, with lots of clout to go with them — and of course they chose Minnesota, says owner Craig Leipold, citing their “strong ties to the area.” Glory was, once again, just around the corner — what could go wrong?

And this time there’s been no letter but now they have Brock Faber, so bright and talented and so willing to just keep going, taking what he’s served, assignment after assignment. They have Kirill Kaprizov, a true superstar, ‘The Guy’, the kind who plants a flag and becomes the franchise. They’ve got Marco Rossi, yet another of their rookies who has made an incredible, unexpected splash — NHL-ready against the odds. The final season of the Parise-Suter buyouts will come in the next two years, and with it will arrive the much-needed relief of league-wide cap increases.And now, we see, the Narrative keeps the wheel spinning, keeps the story going in that reverb-stutter-reverse — and glory is just around the corner.

DEFENCEMEN AND THE SIZE ISSUE

Let’s talk about what it means to be a top pairing defenceman in the modern NHL. The Minnesota Wild’s d-core is fried from season-derailing (and in Jared Spurgeon’s case, ending) injury, yes. But normally, filling in wouldn’t fall to a defenceman in his rookie year. Where another team might’ve spread the responsibilities, Faber is given the lion’s share of downed d-men Brodin and Spurgeon’s duties. He's the power play quarterback, a given presence on the penalty kill; he’s out on the ice during OT; at times sent out as a catch-all shutdown defenceman versus the league’s best forwards (I watch him try to keep up with McDavid reviewing an earlier match against the Oilers and I think, with my heart in my mouth: you are so fucking young). It’s more than just a lack of options. To answer my own question: Faber might actually be that good.

I’m talking around it, but the Norris Trophy isn’t handed out to defencemen who can’t rack up points. And on the whole, defencemen who aren’t geared toward offence don’t score. The debate comes around every season now, I assume, to just make a new award for the best defensive-defenceman — this is entirely down to how the responsibilities and expectations of d-men are undergoing rapid evolution in the shadow of elite skaters and puck movers like Cale Makar and Erik Karlsson. The age of pure stay-at-home defencemen — those that play shutdown to the exclusion of all else — is seemingly winding down, has been for a while. “Offensive-defenceman” is no cute rejoinder for d-men who happen to have a little offensive upside. From Bobby Orr until now, it’s become synonymous with a set of traits that define the league’s best blueliners. Skating prowess is part of it, being able to carry and protect the puck is part of it, but the best of the best are able to seamlessly transition from defence to offence, joining the rush from the d-zone after a turnover, to become lethal in the slot.

Where Brock Faber lands on all these metrics begins with who he was before he arrived in the NHL. He makes a strange case amongst all the rookie defencemen I’ve had the chance to research, a mixing pot of what’s usually found desirable in a prospect — and a few quirks that separate him from the pack. I was shocked when I found out Faber played an exclusively defensive role for the Gophers right up until he signed with the Wild — and before then had spent no time on the power play. “I just hated getting scored on by these kids in college,” says Faber in his interview on the Wild’s official team podcast [43:31]. He goes on to tell the hosts; it actually feels easier to play in the NHL at times, because his teammates know where they’re supposed to be, and if he pushes up on an opportunity he can trust someone else to drop back and fill that gap — he is certain that this has smoothed the bumps in his offensive leap forward. And how has he done? Incredibly, by all accounts. Of the many scouting videos, podcasts, and articles I’ve perused, this trajectory is… rare. At least, for top defenceman prospects. He’s got it all backwards, see; as opposed to the archetype of the puck-moving, dynamic attacker who has leaks in their defensive game (presumably, something that must be worked on as they come into their own in the NHL), he came in a defensive powerhouse, a shutdown-d, and had to learn to let go of the blue line and attack. It took two months for the Wild to ease him into taking on Spurgeon’s role as PP1 quarterback, but since then he’s been a standout player.

Past the power play, Faber’s point and goal production has skyrocketed in comparison to his pre-NHL career — seemingly out of nowhere. He’s got the skating and the stick handling ability to do it, and now it seems he’s begun to hone that killer instinct. Coach Evason, before his dismissal, let out a critique of a then-struggling Wild: "Brock Faber can't be our best player every night.” On a streaky, at times unstoppable, at times paper-thin Wild defence, Faber was a boon.

One very obvious way Faber has adhered to the specifications laid out by scouts is his height and weight. It’s said that defencemen take a little longer than forwards to start showing up in the NHL from the time they’re drafted. It’s the body-size issue, according to some. The d-men who make the cut are older, bigger. The myth goes: while rookie forwards might get away with being 5 '9’’ and underweight on account of agility and hockey sense (and more than a little help from coaches who send them out while the puck is in the o-zone), when you’re a blueliner, and hence the only thing standing between Auston Matthews’ finisher, Nathan MacKinnon's rush, and a clear shot on your goalie and the back of the net, you can’t afford to be small. 

We’re living in a post-Statistical Analysis Revolution hockey world, though, so we know a little better about size. An alternative explanation to the size myth is something I’ve only ever heard of in oblique references — specific to d-men, coaches call it the “200 game” threshold for development. Further inquiry, (including appropriation of university catalogue access and trawling JSTOR), has turned up little helpful literature on the origins of this belief, aside from a stub of an article that called the cutoff “artificial”, taking note that prospects who failed to perform to standards by the 200-game mark were written off as doomed AHL ‘tweeners. I did, however, find a very interesting statistical analysis write-up by the folks over at Dobber Hockey.

Undersized forwards don’t float through on skill and quickness alone; one of the biggest predictors for success is, according to Dobber and Mat Porter, falling within the league average for size and weight. The theory here has been dubbed BT, short for “breakout threshold”, and represents the number of games taken for any given player to become competent and start producing consistently in the NHL. That number, for the average player? 200 games. And contrary to stereotypes, undersized defencemen and forwards struggle.  Furthermore, a stat that defies intuition arises when examining those on the taller end. Data doesn’t lie: “Bigger defencemen and exceptionally-sized forwards need 400 NHL regular season games.” Porter posits that growth spurts can be a detriment to young players just entering the NHL; the jump in body mass causing a mismatch in their expectations of their bodies, a “simple physics” problem, necessitating a slight buffering period as they readjust their physical and spatial awareness around the changes.

The belief remains, however, that larger is better. I’m understating just how much it pervades hockey discourses. It’s present in scouting reports and has had measurable impacts on drafting; I hear it on hockey podcasts; it’s thrown out casually during interviews by coaches and fellow players; it's the first thing you'll hear from a caster who isn't familiar with a player's game. I can’t read or listen to anything about Faber without stumbling across it — the preoccupation with size.

The language used to praise Faber and players like him has my stomach twisting in a discomfort that I find hard to quantify — players, coaches, and the media all talk about him, and the hockey blinders slip. He’s a “workhorse”, a “stud”, he’s got “a man’s body” — and call it projecting, call it reading too deeply into innocuous statements, but the closest thing I can compare it to is hearing my AFAB body spoken about as an object whose value can be reduced to its function, its usefulness, its closeness to sexual maturity.

Elite athleticism is produced when you derail a child’s life and set them on the path, just the same as all the other entertainment industries — think: the k-pop idol machine, pageants, child actors and models who then become adult celebrities, and, of course, the emerging phenomenon of the child influencer. For men’s sports, there’s something extra on top of the commodification of children’s bodies — it’s the vernacular of near-fetishistic worship; of the masculine, the oxymoronic youthful-but-mature, the virile.

I’ll be very clear here: I’m not reading anything malicious from specific people, I’m not accusing anyone of crimes, and in no way am I implying that ice hockey is unique here. Just the opposite, in fact. I know professional sports hinges upon producing stars, that the commodification of young bodies is endemic to the business. Those stars are, stripped down to the basest definition, workers who perform with their bodies and sell their labour, whose bodies will inevitably be coveted and revered for their adherence to the Platonic ideal of their respective crafts. MYTHMAKING: THE SHIFT

“Brock Faber’s play in overtime of the Minnesota Wild’s Dec. 14 victory over Calgary almost certainly has been long forgotten,” says Judd Zulgad in yet another article covering the miracle of Faber’s rookie season. Zulgad is wrong. This overtime play has been repeated, over and over again, a new myth constructed around Faber before our eyes. “He’s completely exhausted, but not only [gave] a second effort, he’s got the wherewithal to bump the puck back so we can gain possession and get a line change,” says Wild coach John Hynes — this particular quote is a favourite for the beat writers who mill out post-game fluff pieces.

The overtime starts like any other: face-off at centre ice, 3-on-3. The broadcast takes note that Brock Faber is starting, that he’s developed offensively in his rookie season. Things fall apart not long after.

Overtime line changes are tricky business. The margins for error are razor thin with 3-on-3; a sloppy line change during OT is a free odd-man rush for the opposing team. Almost guaranteed instant annihilation, and a pretty rude thing to put your goalie through to boot. You must, must clear the puck from your zone before changing over. This is how Brock Faber ends up on the ice; trapped with the puck in the Wild’s d-zone for 2 minutes and 9 seconds. 

Time trickles on as he engages in a scrap along the boards. The broadcast takes note of just how long he’s been on the ice around the time that I do, and then he stumbles. And what you’ve got to understand about Brock Faber is that the comments about his poise aren’t for nothing: Faber doesn’t fall, he doesn’t lose his edges. His skating, his balance, his ability to leverage his reach — is elite.

He takes a knee after the play moves away, slow to get up. The casters say what we’re all thinking as he skates back to the safety of the bench: “he’s running on fumes.” How can anyone watch this and feel anything other than sorry? He is barely there. He is carved down to the marrow, and all that made him wonderful to witness — his beautiful skating, his steadiness, his mastery of the craft — is cut away by exhaustion. Watching him tip over, watching his desperate last-second handling of the puck — it feels less heroic every time. I replay the overtime again and again to write this section and I ache. I am with him out there, losing my feet and my breath just the same.

When he makes it back to the bench, finally, there is no relief. The cameras voyeuristically linger on his pale, worn face, his eyes sweat-stung, as he slams his stick against the boards, each hit shuddering through his body. I want to take it from his hands. I want to wipe his brow and tell him he can rest, rest, rest. Later, giving an interview, instead of taking up the accolades he’s recounting how his turnover led to that endless overtime stretch. He is, of course, not wrong. But he’s not seeing the larger picture.

Consider: this is the kid who grew up watching the Minnesota Wild fail year after year, who likely held a secret hope that they’d draft him when it was his day — this Minnesota boy and his home-grown, Minnesota heart. He never once thought of himself as separate from Minnesota, because this is home, this is where his hockey dream was born; and this is where it must, to him, be fulfilled — of course he’d take on everything they ever asked, swallow down his duties and only ever be grateful.

There is no other way this could’ve gone.

THE HAND OF THE NARRATIVE

I'm trying to love ice hockey with my eyes open. If you haven't figured it out by now, my writing is rarely just about players or hockey concepts. It's about me - these posts are essentially a diary I've chosen to publish. Recently, I had a lecturer read this essay. She commented that it read like someone trying to come to terms with loving hockey. She was right.

"It would be just like the Minnesota Wild to carry on with their perennial early playoffs exits." That's how this paragraph started, when I was first drafting this piece. I'll be transparent; I believe in the potential of this team, and I want them to make an honest effort to win the Cup - but I need it to happen some other time. Armchair GM/coach moment: they aren't ready. They didn't feel ready to me, with their captain out and a rookie d-man holding their blue line together, and injury after injury piling on as the season entered its last weeks. I saw them pushing for another run at the Cup, saw their continued use of Faber in all situations, and thought, ah - see you in another five years. Wanting it simply isn't enough. And Brock Faber, as good as he is, cannot sustain this team on myth. No one person can.

I started this essay terrified Faber would get injured from over-use and play through it for the sake of the postseason, like so many players do; or that he would hit the infamous 'rookie wall' and flame out in his development (in the back of my mind, the question is still there). A few days ago, the Minnesota Wild were mathematically eliminated from playoffs contention. I breathed a little easier. I liked this team too fucking much to see them suffer. I wrote this essay with a kind of despair over Wild management and their preoccupation with Win-Now at the cost of the future. I wondered if Kirill Kaprizov's prime would run its course with the Wild barely scratching the surface of a playoffs run year after year. I wondered at times if the hand of the Narrative would intervene and make it so. The Minnesota Wild are haunted like that.

There are pages worth of writing to add to this essay that I've cut for brevity, and for the sake of telling Brock Faber's story in a way where it wouldn't be obscured by it.

I considered talking about my athlete friends. I spoke to them, informal interviews, we talked about the kind of mentality instilled in children who dream of going pro. You never say 'no'. You love your sport, you let it turn you inside out, you would do anything to keep going. Most of all, you think I'm still young. I can play through this pain. And once you aren't young anymore, you think I'm not young anymore. I'm running out of time. I have to play through this pain. And when your best years are behind you, your ideas about your body and your health are so twisted that you will grind the cartilage in your knees away to make the jump, you will play yourself into irreparable nerve damage just to be remembered, just to have the chance to touch greatness.

This is the truncated version. This is what I fear most when I think of the crushing weight of the Narrative upon someone like Brock Faber. He's hardly the first young athlete to be put in this position, he won't be the last. This essay is about him in the loosest sense that I'm covering the beats of his career and his team. It's not about him at all in the sense that it's about me and my crisis of faith.

To break character: I've been talking about the Narrative with a capital 'n', as though it is an entity with a will of its own. Sometimes it feels that way. It's not, and it doesn't, and it feels that way because we care so much. The hand of the Narrative is just how I rationalise the coincidences, the eerie parallels, the compelling threads of story that exist in sports.

I've wrestled with how to conclude this piece for months now. Since I started writing, I've taken up sports photography, produced poems and essays and assignments about hockey, and I've started ice skating - and in the process I've fallen in love with my dilapidated local rink. I'm now covering the AIHL, which zero people on this website care about. A lot has changed. I still don't know how to finish this, so here are some closing thoughts:

The hand of the Narrative is as real as we make it.

My leftist ennui about professional sports under capitalism could probably be explored on another platform - in a different essay that won't be hosted here.

That thesis I'm never writing about haunting, hauntology, and hockey is probably a symptom of some greater preoccupation. (There's an unfinished manifesto sitting in my drafts.)

If you're a Wild fan reading this - sorry for the editorialising about the Minnesota Wild. I'm quiet about it, but I do love this team and I want to see them be the best version of themselves.

Brock Faber deserves the Calder. He deserved it when I first started this piece, when maybe five people were talking about it, and he deserves it now.

Despite the turmoil of the season, the disappointments, the setbacks - I am still so excited to watch this team and write about them.

I think I'm going to love hockey for a long time.

[owldart]

I saw mentopolis and I enjoy it VERY much. All the characters and players are so fun and creative and I love the setting, so I can't wait for next thursday

Spoilers under the cut!

My favorite characters so far are probably Conrad and the Fix, but everyone in the cast is just instantly endearing.

Anastasia and Imelda are great contrasting characters and I want to know more about their family drama! About how Ana wants to climb the ladder and how Imelda is fine with being at the top of it from the start!

Daniel Phucks being instantly ready to throw down or seduce a cop is great, Hunch Curio is the Himbo PI we all need in our lives.

The thing that struck me like, ten minutes ago is that the Fix funds the Wayward Interests orphanage- and he does want to see all the kids grow up to become parts of the Big Guy. Conrad USED to live at the orphanage, but something happened- something Madame Loathing explicitly doesn't want to tell Fix about- and he ran away with Justin and some ice skates.

The kids at the home are almost all explicitly object heads, usually relating to their represented special interest. Conrad isn't an object head, and neither is Ronnie, but the other kids are described as having a train for a head, a deck of cards, etc.

So the thing that's odd is WHY Conrad would leave. What was that inciting incident? It likely wasn't the file- that's a fairly recent development, and the Home holds old childhood interests, mostly.

We are given one strange piece of information- Conrad leaves, with seemingly no reason, a pair of ice skates, and Justin Fication.

What justified the conscience finally leaving loathing? I think it was the death of one of the big guy's special interests. Finally completely giving up on a childhood dream to focus on other things.

I think Madame Loathing killed one of her charges- whether on purpose or through negligence, I'm not sure- and Conrad saw it. He knew it was wrong.

So he took what remained of the body and ran, spurred on by Justin.

This is a really long way of saying 'I think Elias wanted to be an ice skater for a long time but self-loathing killed that dream and his conscience wouldn't let him completely forget something he loved'.

And now the Big Guy's conscience STILL won't let him forget that something in that file is very wrong.

I am so ready for more mentopolis

[greypetrel]

15 Questions for 15 Friends

Tagged by @whimsyswastry, thank you very much!! :D

Are you named after anyone?

Nope. There's a Strauss opera with my same name, but I don't know if it was what my father was thinking about or he just picked the name out of a book.

When was the last time you cried?

Last week.

Do you have kids?

Nope, don't plan on having any. Nothing against children, but I don't want one of mine.

What sports do you play/have you played?

Lots. xD As a child I changed sport each year to try most things. The most long lasting ones were swimming, which I left when they tried to pass me in competitive swimming (I did one competition, and up to date it counts as one of the most boring things I ever made). I loved ice-skating and dance! I did more years of tennis but I never liked it much. Skiing. Diving. Sailing. Some volleyball at school.

Do you use sarcasm?

Who, me? Nooooooooooooooooooooo. sarcastically

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

How they relate to others.

What’s your eye color?

Green

Scary movies or happy endings comedies?

I overtly rationalize horror: either I start laughing or I fall asleep. I find most horror movies straight-off boring. So, comedies.

Any talents?

I hate the concept of talent, sorry. Breaking nails in half when I try to hang something. I have a pretty good sense of directions. And, saying hello to every single dog and animal I meet in the street. It's just politeness.

Where were you born?

In the city where I live today. Not so far away from here.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, drawing, reading, playing music, collecting vynils and old books and musical instruments (I play the piano and the ukulele. I also love silly instruments: I own a kazoo I never play because it makes me laugh. I would love a otamatone and a theremin), starting new language courses on Duolingo and never finishing one. Getting lost in research pits and writing stories about said research pits.

Do you have any pets?

Sadly not anymore. My last cat died last year, and we had such a close relationship that adopting another one still feels wrong. I would love to adopt a dog, but I don't have the right space for him nor the time/money for an educator (I want a big dog, and it'll need some education.)

How tall are you?

168cm

Favorite subject in school?

English language and literature! Ancient Greek Physics (fun fact: I applied to Physics at uni. Got in. After a month I ran away xD)

Dream job?

Character concept artist for Cartoon Saloon. Any job position at Cartoon Saloon. Have I told you about how much I love Cartoon Saloon? Do you have 5 minutes to talk about Cartoon Saloon?

Tagging: @salsedine @carboncinicolcaffe @buridanshorse @dreadfutures @pinayelf @melisusthewee @skinwalkingxana @rowanisawriter @zenstrike @spainkitty @heniareth @n7viper @layalu @idolsgf and YOU who are reading this!

(of course feel free to ignore the tag!

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

The beauty of accidental marriage proposals

Yuuri very likely didn't intend to propse to Viktor at the airport but his heart knew what it (and he) truly desired and twisted his words into a proposal—or rather something akin to a proposal that resulted in a spontaneous engagement.

Let's unpack this.

Yuuri returns from the Rostelecom Cup with his mind full of things that he wants to tell Viktor. While we don't learn the details, his inner monologue in the previous scene gives us a good idea of the things he's mulling over.

Yuuri has convinced himself that Viktor will abandon him after the Grand Prix Final. Thus, that competition is his final chance to win gold and he's determined to fulfil the promise he made in his speech in ep. 5 and win that medal. But even if doesn't win gold, there is one thing that he feels he needs to do after seeing skaters and skating fans react to Viktor becoming a coach at two consecutive competitions.

Regardless of how much Yuuri has profited from Viktor's support, he is very conscious about the fact that Viktor belongs to the ice. Or at least that is what his anxious brain has convinced him of. In this sense, giving up his own career so that Viktor can resume his own is an act of love and the only possible solution for them to stay together (in Yuuri's brain).

We never learn about the end of Yuuri's contemplation, but the subtext of the next scene implies that breaking up with Viktor is not an option. Or if it was an option, it was off the table once he was back in Viktor's arms.

Since Yuuri has anxiety, it's safe to assume that he has been overthinking his talk with Viktor over and over during the flight, going through all kinds of scenarios based on Viktor's imagined reaction. After hours on the plane, his brain must have been on the verge of exploding, casting poor Yuuri into a state of total overwhelm. If you have anxiety, you can possibly relate.

However, the moment that he spots Viktor, his mind goes blank and instinct takes over as he runs into Viktor's arms and instead of whatever speech he has prepared, he just blurts out the following line:

僕も考えてた。引退まで 僕のこと—　お願いします！ "I've been thinking, too. Please take care of me until I retire!"

The English translation is a bit messed up here. In the original, Yuuri never uses the word coach in that line. "Please take care of me" is Japanese proposal language. The translators probably didn't recognise this nuance and sadly, the nuance is still lost in the Bluray version.

But that's why Viktor recognises the proposal in Yuuri's words.

However, based on the details given and the illogical ways anxious brains work, Yuuri intended to inform Viktor about his retirement plans and to voice his desire to make the most of the little time he thinks they have left. But that's not what his heart wants. And since episode 5 we know what that is:

初めて自分から繋ぎとめたいと思った人、それがヴィクトルです

A more accurate translation of that line is "The first person I want to tie myself to and never let go is Viktor" because 繋ぎとめたい means wanting to tie someone / something to you and never let it go (see this translation error masterpost).

Of course, Yuuri doesn't want his relationship with Viktor to end and no matter if his anxiety his skyrocketing in the face of the GPF looming ahead, that desire has taken root in his heart and brain. However, his anxiety stops him from proposing actually and turns his addition "until I retire" into a gentle prodding to find out whether he and Viktor are on the same page.

And of coruse, they are.

And it's all Yuuri has wished for. He's been anxious the whole time. Until Viktor recognises the proposal and response with a yes in the same fashion that Yuuri has asked.

To wrap all of this up:

Absence nurtures desire and in this case, the time apart has shown Yuuri and Viktor how much they want to be by each other's side. Because he missed Viktor so desperately, Yuuri's heart wins over his anxiety for once and enables him to tell Viktor his deepest desire. By recognising said desire, Viktor is able to accept the proposal and the two boys are now officially engaged. And that's yet another beautiful aspect about this show.

Unfortunately Viktor didn't really catch the part about the retirement, which will result in him thinking that Yuuri wants to break up when Yuuri announces his retirement plans in Barcelona. On the other hand, knowing that Viktor wants to stay by his side forever is a huge relief for Yuuri and allows him to enter the GPF without any emotional baggage.

Bonus: look at that cute tiny smile right between Viktor recognising the proposal and the second hug.

For further readings related to this please check out:

Japanese dating culture in YOI

Unwrapping "Let's end this"

On Yuuri's top-secret love life

If you enjoyed this meta you might like to check out my YOI canon works on AO3 or just support me by reblogging this post.

[imthepunchlord]

Ok, so I'm just gonna apologize in advance, I'm sorry, I know you're probably sick of these types of asks. I was gonna wait till call the polls were done, but since you've been talking about how you've already started brainstorming ideas, it like I should probably just say this idea sooner rather later. So, have you considered using the power system you used for your A Declaration of Love and in your old "Miraculous Fox and Peacock powers" post. I felt it would be fitting since these new powers (like the ones in that fic and post) are based on the animal's symbolism, and this setup could allow for multiple powers. Plus, these new versions of the miraculous feel much like a return to back to how we thought the miraculous would be before season two so it could feel fitting.

Nah don't worry about it. And votes seem to be slowing down for the polls, and I've been itching to get brainstorming so might as well get into it.

With these polls, and plans being made to change, I've actually been gradually rewatching Miraculous, taking notes on eps and on characters to refresh myself and it's just taking me back to that time before s2, and just how creative and fun it was to get into ML fanworks. As it gave us so little info we had to get creative.

Like, on artist who used to do really cool ML art suspected Wayzz was a Grasshopper before we got the confirmation of him being a Turtle.

And man I found I enjoyed those days more, as what a lot of people thought of was far more interesting and fun than what we got. And everything that came post s2 really kinda railroaded us and stifled that creativity.

And a lot of the things brought in were:

Frustrating, like Miraculous are more powerful for adults, which why did Fu pick 2 kids and not do anything to help even the playing field? And we got the confirmation he has 16-17 Miraculous on him, why did he release the very two Gabriel needed? Especially as, arguably, Cat's just not that necessary for facing the Butterfly. Also! There's honestly more powerful perks to misusing a Miraculous, why are they so easy to misuse? And according to Paris Special, why is it that Miraculous are willing to gradually kill off kids misusing them, but won't do anything to adults who misuse them? This is all rigged.

Pointless, like the potions, which aren't really "power ups" but just suit changes. Changes that Miraculous already naturally do as the suit comes down to the user. If someone loves ice skating and it's naturally integrated into their suit, the Ice Potion is pointless.

And just entirely baffling: the entirety of the Rabbit, and Alix, a 15 yo girl, being made to be the Timekeeper, live away from her family and friends to manage the timeline, which, why is that being given to a human? Who are going to be biased and not neutral, made worse to be given to a 15 yo who's not fully matured, and clearly we see her involving herself in the timeline which I'm not sure she should be doing as that's influencing outcomes. And why did they even think a time traveling Miraculous was a good idea? That power is so OP and can get so easily complicated you can get a headache trying to make sense of what they rolled out with it. And honestly, what does time traveling have to do with Alice in Wonderland? If they wanted to really reference AiW with Rabbit, I would've voted dream hopping, cause dreams are wild, imaginative, chaotic, and nonsensical. And that could've worked in ties to the moon as people sleep at night, and that could've been tied to healing too, as dreams can be tied to the subconscious, and you could've done something with dream influence and help people face what they're dealing with. Or if Rabbit had to be another time related Miraculous, do something with influencing the flow of time, either slowing it down so the user appears to be going fast, or speeding up the motion of the user and others and objects.

Tangent aside, I am going to be aim to dismiss and change a lot of what canon has brought in and just kinda go back to working off those old days. I am planning on working off a lot of animal symbolism and myth, and some details that Thomas has rolled out I'll consider (like Pied Piper was a Fox, which suggests Fox should have also have a power tied to hypnosis/subconscious suggestion through music). And just go back to those days where we were more creative and better worked off the possibilities with animals. And ideally do some uniqueness that's not going to have a lot of similar powers, aside from healing and mass restoration, as I feel if there's going to be any repeated powers, those would make the most sense.

I will give ADoL a reread (cause it's been years and typically when I get a fic done, it goes out of my mind as I'm not giving anymore attention to it, so I don't remember everything with it); and it's just a little funny as this is the fic that gets brought up to me the most on relating to Miraculous and kwami changes. Like, Nobody has mentioned to me that Juuno was their favorite take on the Peafowl kwami's personality before canon rolled out ditzy and emotional Duusu. Which maybe got toned down post fixing? I'm not sure. Either way, it gets brought a lot and I don't remember everything so I'll be giving it a reread to refresh myself.

[colorful-dragon97]

You guys don’t understand how much Jazzfordshire’s stories mean to me (or maybe you do)

(TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of h0mophobia)

I don’t usually get really sappy with writers and the stories they write but I just finished Jazzfordshire’s 70′s AU (part 2).  Istg that the first part of that AU is the story i read the most out of all the Supercorp fanfics I read (and considering SC fanfics is the only type of literature I consume, that’s saying a lot). I always found it comforting, but even if the first part is from Kara’s POV, the part that I connect with the most is Lena’s. She is a lesbian, she knows it, she feels what she feels but is painfully aware that she can’t freely express herself, she can’t open up to anyone bc they might insult her or treat her as a “something” instead of a “someone”.

I used to identify as a lesbian. For five years of my life, I was out to myself, but deadly afraid of living in the outside world. My friends knew and some of them were queer themselves, but I still felt that loneliness inside me.

Even though on this day and age I no longer identify as such, all those things that Lena feels in this story… is just so painfully relatable.

When I started thinking about this, I thought about other stories by this lovely author and realized that, in some of them, the relationship between Lena and Lillian is kinda the same to the one i had with my mother.

Lillian is not supportive of her daughter’s sexuality. But it’s not like she kicks her out or does something more “grotesque”, she is just described as distant… someone who, at the tiniest little show of Lena’s preference for women, she makes not-so-subtle comments about how NOT ok she’s with the fact that Lena is a lesbian. So as a result of that, Lena is deadly afraid of being “obviously” queer, out in the open.

And that, my friend, is EXACTLY what I needed to read when I was younger.

“Isn’t that counterproductive? If you are sad about your relationship with your sexuality, you shouldn’t read homophobic stuff… right?”

Good question, but while I do needed an “everything is going to be ok” type of story, I also needed a story that described that awkward and painful relationship between a mother and her queer daughter. That type of relationship where your mom is not supportive, but she is also not kicking you out or being physically ab*sive. This is because the only realities shown to me by the media at that time were parents being extremely supportive, awfully ab*sive or they will just kick you out. So, even though I used to feel awful with myself because of my mom’s unsupportive behavior, what used to make me feel significantly worse was the guilt of feeling depressed when I should be thankful that she responded this way bc “it could’ve been worse, she didn’t kick me out.”

(That last paragraph was me describing how I felt back in the day. Jazz, as far as I’ve read of her repertoire, doesn’t dwell on the deeper effect that THAT kind of relationship has on you as the queer daughter.)

So, I really needed my feelings to be validated by anyone or anything. And I also needed to see that I deserve to be supported and comforted whenever I felt a sad about my mother’s behavior.

That support and comfort is seen on the way Kara interacts with Lena. In some fanfics like the Ice Skating AU, Lena has a pretty big storyline regarding her sexuality. Every time she feels like she is showing a bit too much gayness or hears the voice of Lilian in her mind shaming her, Kara is like “it’s ok, I’m right here and I love you”.

She is not telling her to get over it, she is not telling her how to fix it, she is just accompanying her through it.

And that is another thing i needed, that is exactly what i craved as a teenager. I needed someone there… just there… to hug me through it.

But the matter of the fact is that I’m finding this stories years later and while my relationship w my mom is basically the same, my sexuality and self perception have changed. I’m now a bi guy.

But now reading these stories, feels like it’s healing my inner child. Feels like a hug for the 14 y/o me that was so effing sad and so effing alone.

@jazzfordshire ‘s stories are dear to my heart and are helping the little teen in me, feel seen and comforted.

So, in case you are reading this, thank you so much. Your stories are beautiful and I hope you continue writing ❤️

[bravevolunteer]

winter/christmas related hcs dump !

young michael on snow days? MENACE. he's causing chaos he's throwing projectile snowballs and no one is safe. yes he did just... startle liz and evan on purpose with it, but he didn't hesitate to get into a proper snowball fight

so sorry but he IS a cheesy terrible christmas movie enjoyer. he canonically watches a terrible vampire soap opera, he's GOING to be watching the worst holiday movies you've ever seen. good luck getting him to admit to enjoying them, at least... until it's one of the only traditions he DOES keep, then he says he likes the predictability of them.

michael's opinion on most christmas music ranges from neutral-negative, but his favorite is last christmas. he's gay, watches cheesy soap operas, and it released in 1984, he's decided this one hits

the aftons used to decorate the tree together... and it was SO dysfunctional— the kids were arguing constantly, william was micromanaging the entire thing, michael rolling his eyes, multiple shattered ornaments, the tree had to have fallen over at least once. despite this, it's the kind of memory he looks back on with nostalgia even knowing things were far from as perfect as they pretended.

with that said, cursed fazbear ornaments.

michael is so bad at ice skating. so humiliatingly bad. he thinks he's going to do fine EVERY time and then falls on his ass within the first minute

type of kid to nurse a candy cane until it's a spike and poke his siblings with it

the aftons celebrate secularly ( up to interpretation, however i don't view the kids as being raised overly religious... we all know william's got some shit going on ), however they MIGHT be the family that goes to church once a year on christmas eve. to keep up a reputation. i can see it. and it would be an Absolute Fucking Disaster

imagine the aftons making gingerbread houses. just imagine the chaos. Yeah. once again william is micromanaging everything ( "this is ridiculous," he says, mid-building a gingerbread recreation of fredbear's family diner down to every last intricate detail ), elizabeth is just trying to make it look nice, michael's looks like a WARZONE, evan's has fallen apart for the fifth time now. they're all arguing over the icing and candy.

instead of a mall santa photo they have an extremely cursed photo with william and henry in the spring bonnie and fredbear suit wearing santa hats and beards

the house and diner were decorated every year.... this, of course, began to fade in the house ( decorations outlasting other traditions, putting them up to still give the appearance of normality while celebrating became dimmed to nonexistent ) until, after elizabeth's death, they just stopped going up entirely.

on michael and gift giving.... he's really not one for big grand gestures, but his gifts do show that he listens. he doesn't usually think they're much, figures he isn't very good at it, but they're always something that he knows the other person would genuinely like, he cares!

this is more referring to the corporation than the early days, but fazbear christmas album is so real to me. just... so many terrible parodies. there's multiple installments there IS one for the glamrocks. michael is sick of it

michael and . warm cozy sweater. That's It.

Fazbear Patented Mistletoe Garland (tm). in the home. thanks @comfrtcrowd

christmas in the afton household, while holidays were relatively normal in the years leading up to 1983... often highlighted a dissonance between the celebration and the growing dysfunction. the kids got whatever they asked for, they had more than enough, but material possessions don't automatically hold real emotional weight. to michael, while william's attention consisted of basic needs and whatever item he gave him on a list, sometimes it only seemed to make the emotional neglect and favoritism clearer.

following 1983... the holidays deteriorated significantly. a lot of celebrations vanished and the little that they attempted to keep alive rang hollow. putting decorations up only stood as a reminder that nothing was the same. having dinner together was grief-ridden and cold, tense at best and confrontational to explosive at worst. michael didn't ask for anything, never felt as if he deserved to celebrate after ruining his family. by the year of elizabeth's death, every attempt stopped entirely. with just michael and his father, the house felt hauntingly empty... and lonely.

when michael moves out ( both the few years before SL & when he's scooped ), it remains a time of year that tends to emphasize his loneliness. in zombie isolation, he made a few small attempts as the years passed: a little bit of shitty decor in his apartment, he watches a LOT of movies. some years, he visits liz and evan's graves, though that only results in more hopelessness more often than not

scooped michael? IMMUNE to the cold. to temperature in general ( aside from extreme heat ), he still likes winter more because of the excuse to wear more layers without getting stares

he WILL be spiking hot chocolate and/or eggnog. absolutely snuck off to do exactly this during whatever attempts to celebrate were made when he was a teenager. it's the only way he will be drinking eggnog.

@braveburned already posted about it but i'm reiterating that michael and gregory have the SHITTIEST tiny christmas tree. the lights are a fire hazard, it has a paper star, glamrock ornament, it's so ugly. michael is amused by it

ultimately, the only thing that will really get him to celebrate after the tragedies is... being around other people. he's so used to the holiday season becoming a representation of loneliness, grief, and resentment, that the only thing that can really pull him from that is found connections...

[bluedalahorse]

Friday is for Felice and Sara’s friendship

I thought it might be nice to make a rambly, less polished post about Felice’s friendships, so I’m going to make it.

I’ll start by talking about Sara. I thought about adding other characters, but I might just have time for Sara today, so I’ll add other characters at another time.

This morning (and other times) I’ve been thinking about what Felice and Sara’s friendship will look like post-Hillerska. I’ve been thinking about this in terms of challenges they might face—not no a way where I want them to suffer or want to give them pointless arguments for the drama of it all, just in the way where most friendships have challenges as the participants grow up, and watching friends grow up and overcome challenges together is part of the joy of friendship stories.

The first thing I wonder about is distance. Are Sara and Felice going to be physically in the same space, in the future? It’s possible they aren’t. I do wonder about Simon and Sara moving to Göteborg to be with family, and maybe ending up there, while Felice ends up in another place altogether. In one of my fics I had her heading to a girls’ boarding school abroad in Scotland, which is an idea I’m still pretty fond of. (Even though I know single-sex school is not a thing that Nordic countries do, so maybe Felice’s family wouldn’t want her doing that, who knows.)

With and Felice and Sara physically far apart, how do they make time to connect? Weekly FaceTimes? Texting one another pictures of something specific from their day? Old-fashioned post cards? I imagine they’d come up with some sort of cute ritual that would be important to them during this time.

The next thing I wonder about would be new friend groups and new hobbies and areas of interest. Felice is Sara’s first friend, and Sara is Felice’s first honest friend. Having established that bond, I think they’d be able to make more friends in their new places.

I’d love to see Sara make other neurodivergent friends and gain some language around disability politics and self-advocacy. In the immediate aftermath of Hillerska, I also see her jumping from hobby to hobby, and trying out new things to fill the parts of her heart that are probably still a little sad about losing horses. I can see her trying out things like crochet and collaging. Maybe she does poetry and that sticks a little more. I read a friend’s fic snippet where Sara is trying ice skating and it lives rent free in my brain.

On Felice’s end, I’d love to see her in a very different friend clique than the one where she was part of at Hillerska, and potentially one organized around a shared pursuit. Maybe a girls’ sports team (football/soccer? field hockey? women’s rugby?) or a theatre troupe or something like that. Something where everyone could work toward a common goal. Of course I want Felice to continue to develop her cooking skills, and maybe she could have cooking friends. (Felice in a Just Add Magic AUfic?) That said it would also be fun if she had a cooking rival, where they dramatically compete one another but deeply respect one another deep down.

As the girls branch out, I can see that creating points of tension they need to work through. Felice might feel intimidated at first as Sara starts talking about ableism and activism, and there may also be times where Sara feels more comfortable talking to an AuDHD friend than Felice about something AuDHD-related. It might take them some emotionally stressful moments to realize that’s ok! Meanwhile if Felice goes to school abroad or even attends an international school in Stockholm, Sara might worry that Felice’s new friends are going to be more worldly and interesting than she is, and periodically feel insecure. There may be times where they don’t talk as much and perhaps worry that the other is growing away from them. I think they could work through it in time but it might take conversation and practice!

The other thing I have considered is how I work out the Felice-Sara-August interactions in a fic universe where I do a saraugust Second Chance Romance. If I’m writing that I don’t want Sara to have to sacrifice either relationship.

I have an idea about that, where Felice gets invited to the palace as part of a Young Chefs of Sweden event and August has an opportunity to apologize to her and they navigate a conversation as adults who’ve both learned a lot, but maybe I’ll share that on another post.

Anyway, what stories do you have in mind for future Felice and Sara? How does their friendship grow and change over the years?

Discussion welcome.

[laurelindebear]

OC Asks, continued:

Marianne:

3. How did you choose their name? 

I kinda don't remember anymore. 😅 I decided she was going to be part-French pretty quickly, so her name needed to make sense in French. And I knew she would also need an ancient Egyptian name for Plot Reasons and I wanted to keep some kind of thematic and/or phonetic connection between the two. I know I looked at some lists of French baby names c. 1900 and hers isn't near the top but it is there. Eventually I think I settled on it partly because I liked it and partly because, as a kid with 3 of 4 grandparents being Egyptian growing up in France, I thought her parents might name her after the personification of the Republic as a way of kind of establishing her French-ness.

8. What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story? 

A few things, most notably her antipathy towards religion/Catholicism and her general skepticism (sorry girl, magic is real in this universe. My bad.) There's also some of my complicated feelings about nationality and identity and immigration and belonging in there, albeit mine are different countries. And lastly, she shares my love of carbs. 🥐

11. Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation? 

Yes, she was always going to be bi, as part of my...working things out about myself, I guess. I wanted her to have a previous relationship with a woman as an important part of her story.

15. What is something about your OC can make you laugh? 

So far Marianne is less funny or comic than many of my other characters (Ardeth's sister, Nesreen, is the wisecracker in the story. They look quite alike, but very different personalities!) I guess it would be the carbs thing again: girl has big old heart-eyes for pastry and bread and watches it during every meal, wanting to take more but afraid to be greedy or wear out her welcome. She can be fun and playful though - there may or may not be an ice-skating-and-snowball-fight scene.

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

She starts off the story with pinned up braided buns a la Honoria Glossop because her job doesn't permit any kind of 'modern' style. Her stylistic changes over time reflect some of her changes as a person as she develops because I am a basic and obvious writer that way! (Also I just think the hair is fun.)